


my greatest failures on display with an asterisk (worthy of love anyway)

by artsyleo



Series: comfortember 2020 [30]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:41:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27803992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyleo/pseuds/artsyleo
Summary: comfortember prompt day 30 - recoveryben comforting callum when he feels guilty and talk of the future (feat. back hugs because yes!!)
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: comfortember 2020 [30]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995826
Comments: 16
Kudos: 74





	my greatest failures on display with an asterisk (worthy of love anyway)

**Author's Note:**

> can be read as a third part to the day 4 + 5 fics if you so wish!

When Ben slips through the front door, met with warmth and a sweet smell rather than the cold wind outside, everything in him seems to relax. His shoulders drop and he lets the tightness in them slip away- he knows Callum’s the only one at home right now, and he doesn’t have to pretend with him. Doesn't have to play the big man, doesn’t have to be all tough- with Callum he’s just _Ben_. It’s taken a long time for it to be like that, but it is now and it’s such a relief. He sighs a little, nudges his shoes off by the door and shrugs off his coat as if he could just shrug off everything that’s happened in the day. It’s not been _bad_ , exactly. Just long and lonely, when he doesn’t have Callum to come and distract him. 

He’s been at home most of the time for the last few weeks since the trial, and it breaks Ben’s heart. He says he’s fine, hides everything he’s thinking behind a smile and a kiss but Ben knows him too well, and it’s not even as if he has a job to distract him any more. He knows there’s guilt in his head, for everything that’s happened the past few months. Ben’s long since made his peace with it, has done everything he can to reassure Callum of that and it feels as though he’s starting to get somewhere. Just these last couple of days he’s seen a change- more and more of the person that he’s missed so much, more of the  _ Callum  _ that Ben recognises. It feels like they’re back on the right track- like finally they’re  _ getting there _ . It’s been a long time coming, but it’s all worth it when he can see little bits of the old Callum shine through. 

When he pads through the house, socked feet on hard floor, the smell only gets stronger. It’s something familiar but he can’t quite place it until he pushes the kitchen door open. He finds Callum stood with his back to him in front of the cooker. He’s dressed in a grey hoodie that Ben only recognises because he’s stolen it so many times, and a pair of jogging bottoms that look suspiciously like his own, if only for the way that they finish just above Callum’s ankles. It looks somewhat ridiculous but it’s ridiculously  _ endearing _ , seeing Callum dressed in his clothes when they really don’t fit.

There’s bags of ingredients stacked across the counters and the sound of something cooking on the stove, and Ben just sees the ties of an apron around Callum’s back. He can’t help but smile because the scene feels so oddly domestic, and the thought of  _ husbands _ comes to his mind out of nowhere. 

It scares him somewhat, although not as much as it excites him. He shoves the thought aside for the minute either way, and walks up next to Callum.

“Hey babe,” he says softly but Callum still jumps a little at the first sound of his voice and it sends something through Ben- maybe guilt, or a longing for things to be like they once were, when Callum didn’t still feel terrified in his own home. 

_ He’s not terrified any more,  _ he reminds himself.  _ He’s getting better _ . 

And he is, because instead of complete fear in his eyes when he turns around there’s a mostly calm look, perhaps a little anxiousness, until he sees it’s Ben, and his shoulders drop again (and  _ oh,  _ how honoured he feels that he has that effect on the man in front of him). 

“Hey,” he smiles back and it feels  _ real _ . He leans forward to press a gentle kiss to Ben’s lips and Ben sighs into it, the last of the tension from his day dripping away. When they break apart and Callum turns back to the stove, Ben moves to stand behind the other man, tiptoes so that he can put his chin on Callum’s shoulders - not that he’ll  _ ever  _ admit it - and arms wrapped around his waist. 

“What’s cookin’, good lookin’?” Ben whispers in his ear, and Callum shakes with a sweet laugh, like music to Ben’s ears. 

“Chicken pasta,” he replies eventually, and  _ that’s  _ why the smell had felt so familiar. “And there’s banana bread in the oven, from those bananas that Lex didn’t eat. Thought I’d treat you.” 

Ben reckons that he’s one of the only people that could see the real meaning behind those words, the  _ I wanted to feel useful  _ or  _ I wanted to say sorry _ hidden there. Ben sighs a little, and presses a kiss to the other man’s cheek, then his shoulder, lingering there. 

“Oh, you didn’t have to,” Ben says quietly, hoping that Callum can hear everything else in it, the answers to all the questions that he’s got running around his head.

“I know,” he replies, and that’s confirmation enough that he did, that he understands and that maybe he’s starting to get there, starting to get better. 

“Smells amazing,” Ben says after a minute, inhaling deeply. “You should cook more often, especially if you wear this apron more. You look well cute.” 

Ben relishes in the blush that creeps across Callum’s cheeks and up to his ears, and the little shy laugh that escapes him. 

“Oh yeah? Reckon I might, it’s been nice today,” he smiles a little, voice gentle and hopeful. “Cook more, not just wear the apron, mind.” 

“Yeah?” Ben says, because the tone of the other man’s voice makes his chest tight with happiness because this is one of the first times he’s seemed  _ positive  _ about things recently. 

“Yeah, been a while since I’ve cooked like this. Plus I like cooking for you,” he says, voice trailing off like he’s shy of the last bit, but it only makes Ben laugh, happiness bursting through him like he can’t contain. 

“Well I like being cooked for. Proper little house-husband aren’t ya?” 

He only really realises what he’s said after it’s left his mouth and he freezes instantly, because sure, that’s been the thought running through his mind but he hadn’t actually meant to say it out loud, too afraid of scaring away this little corner of peace that they’ve found. He’s about to pull away, apologise for his big mouth when Callum seems to blush even more, and laugh a little. 

“Maybe,” he says shyly, and it makes his heart race even more than it had been. It feels like a confession, the two of them on the same page about something- promising each other something like forever. They drop the topic, but it’s a thought that sticks in Ben’s mind- a thought that he reckons he won’t stop thinking for a long time. 

“This is almost ready, if you’re hungry,” Callum says, stirring the sauce that he’s got in the pot in front of him a little more. 

“Cooking,” Ben says suddenly, and Callum turns to look at him like he’s crazy. 

“What?” 

“Cooking- that’s what you could do. You could be a cook,” he replies. It’s been a cautious topic of conversation over the past week or so- what Callum wants to do when he’s ready for work again. He’s got to retrain in something now, obviously- Ben’s still not entirely sure whether he’d quit or been fired first but it doesn’t matter either way. That’s done now, well and truly. 

Callum pauses a minute, then smiles a little and nods. “Yeah, maybe. That could be fun. I’ve got experience as well.” 

“Exactly!” Ben pulls away from Callum and says, perhaps a little too much enthusiasm but he’s just happy that Callum seems to be looking up and ahead, or at least looking further than the end of the day. It’s a sign of recovery, and he’s so  _ proud _ . 

Callum stops and turns around, properly facing Ben for the first time. He’s got this soft, contemplative look on his face, and he’s looking at Ben with such adoration in his eyes that Ben squirms under the gaze. 

“Thank you,” he says eventually. “For not giving up on me with this.” 

Ben’s heart melts a little, head tilting. “You don’t have to say thank you, I’m never giving up on you.  _ I love you,  _ Cal.” 

Callum blushes even more, if it’s even possible. “I love you too, so much.” 

Ben feels himself blush. It’s something that doesn’t happen often but he can’t not, when Callum looks at him like that. 

Yeah, forever with Callum sounds pretty perfect to him. 

**Author's Note:**

> and with that, comfortember is done!! honestly im actually emotional about this because i really didn’t think i’d be able to actually do this whole challenge because i’ve tried stuff like this before and im often too lazy lmao but honestly, most of that is down to yall. Ive had an incredible amount of support for some of these fics and it really does mean the world to me that ive got such incredible support for my writing. You’ve all done a huge amount to make this month so much better and easier for me, so thank you to you all. Don’t worry though!! I have stuff planned through december so hopefully im still gonna get lots of content out if you like it hehe. I’m hopefully gonna be writing something special tomorrow bc it’s my one year writing in the fandom (how insane???), and then we’ve got some awesome stuff planned on tumblr that im super excited to be taking part in im also gonna be continuing with leave a light on, if you’ve been looking for/waiting on that one.  
> as always, comments and kudos mean the world to me, i hope you enjoyed and lots of love to u, see ya soon  
> leo x (on tumblr @artsy-highway <3)


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